Up Late Again

I hate sleepless nights.  I can't sleep for the second consecutive night.  It's so frustrating, because you literally cannot will yourself to sleep.  I seem to be unable to will myself to a lot of things that I wish were the case.  Being in shape, being proactive about my career, being active as a Christian, being disciplined about my diet.  I don't know if I fail more or less often than most people, but sometimes the accumulated failures of my life seem like an enormous mountain.  Why can't I do the things I wish I would do?  

I hate evil.  I suppose that's an alright thing to hate.  I hate the things that cloud my judgment or lead me into temptation or convince me not to try or not to sacrifice or not to be strong.  I so often approach life passively.  I just blindly wait for my next iced coffee or the next sporting event I care about....just growing older, but not growing better.  When I first started this blog, I had hoped that I would use it as something to better myself; as a forum for understanding my life and my goals.  The way I feel tonight is that it's simply an irresponsible and intermittent documentation of my utter failure to truly make progress.  How sad.

The reality is, though, that tonight I'm not depressed.  Just frustrated that I can't sleep, and somewhat discouraged that I have seemingly so many hills to climb and so many holes to climb out of.  Ella and Bryn are so sweet to me and I love having them home tonight after a trip away.   Dear Lord, would you help me to start accomplishing things again?  Will you help me to be able to work, relax and sleep as a man should?  Help me to find the proportions of those things that make sense for my life.  Help me to sleep tonight, and to get to work tomorrow on the things I really care about.  Help me not to be so passive.