life moves on...

I can't sleep tonight. I've been meaning to write a blog for some time, so maybe this is just meant to be. I finished grad school. What an emotional roller coaster that final week was. First there were our problems with housing, then came a fiasco with my grades, then came some really bad news about salary prospects. The day before graduation I felt like a person who had embarked on a long, goal-directed journey only to discover that it was all relatively pointless. I felt only resentment, worry, and frustration.

But things change. At baccalaureate, we graduates heard a speaker who delivered a message of utmost relevance. Wait on the Lord. My ears heard it, my heart embraced it, and all of a sudden, the fact that I didn't have everything figured out seemed ok. God's plans happen. God's purposes are not in jeapordy. When I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, I felt a sense of accomplishment, and for that I was, and am, very grateful.

The Lord has provided. We have an apartment and I have a job. The situations are quite good, all things considered, and within a week's time we'll have hopefully adjusted to both. We'll be moving on Saturday, leaving the first real home of our marriage. This apartment has served us well. It was our space and we'll miss it.

B. continues to expand and the baby's heart is thumping at approximately 130 beats per minute according to the latest check-up. I love her already. The pregnancy seems to be progressing both quickly and slowly, if that can be believed. I suppose I could say the same about the first two years of marriage.

Tonight LeBron James scored 48 points, leading the Cavs to a huge victory in double OT against the proverbial Eastern Conference favorite Pistons. It used to be Jordan doing that. But now it's LeBron. Everything changes; in the slow, event-filled blink of time's eye.

why did her toast have to burn?

We've had a rough stretch of things. I've had so much schoolwork crammed into the last two months, but thankfully I just finished my last final exam about 20 minutes ago and can now consider myself (dare I say it) finished with schoolwork. Granted, there's one class for licensure and a looming Doctorate, but enough already, in a sense, I AM DONE.

Last week we found out that our first choice for housing would not work. It was a free arrangement, fraught with drawbacks and responsibilities. But free nonetheless. Now we face the reality of the cost of living on the North Shore in Massachusetts. It's intimidating for sure.

My ever-conscientious and ever-planful B. began apartment searching for us in the beginning of March. Yes, for a June 1st move-in. (I know, it's just how she is) We were told flat-out in March that we were too early, then came the free living situation thing, then we were back on the market. So, the market we hit. And we found a gem. B. absolutely loved it, it had space and bookshelves and storage. And charm. Her heart was captured. I liked it too, for what that's worth. Then came the call, the landlord doesn't want to rent to us because we're expecting. Then came the tears for B. and the frustration and the realization that the search is far from over.

All this while I don't yet have any real satisfying job prospects...

Then, this morning, in the midst of her tears, my wife was going through her routine (which requires healthy meals at regulated times with regulated pills) and her toast burned. Not only do we not have housing, not only do I not have a job, not only is her heart broken, but her breakfast (even a small little thing like breakfast) was charred and nearly ruined. I watched her crunch into it.

Why does God allow bad things to happen? Why do things that seem so promising fall through? Why does the future hold so many unknowns? Why isn't life controllable? These questions have no quick-fix. There is no faith without effort, no trust without risk, no hope without intentionality. We stand in an uncertain place, asking a God whose character is certainly good to meet our needs and to provide contentment, even when our daily bread is burnt toast.