no way to live
I don't know if there's been a single relaxing day in my life in the past month. Perhaps it's self-centered to even consider such a thing, but to be honest it's something I'm thinking and noticing so I'm stating it for the record.
Breastfeeding is a horrible pressure on a mother. The woman is entrusted with the very life of the baby, not some supplemental thing like a cozy blanket or special hat but the very LIFE of the baby and supplying its basic nutrition. And this all depends on an unseen process occurring inside her breasts. For some mothers, everything works. Milk flows, cheeks fatten, people smile. For other mothers, babies get skinny and fussy, nipples become cracked and sore and tension mounts as each feeding becomes another possible failure. How do you respond as a father? "Just stop crying and keep feeding"? "Ok, maybe we should use formula"? "Let's get the pump."? "Next feeding will be better"? "I love you."? How about when you go for a nervous walk and pray constantly that God will enable the baby to receive nourishment. You try to faith your way into optimism, only to return home to more frustration, more disappointment, more confusion, more non-resolution.
I hate breastfeeding. I think it's fine for those mothers who just sit down and turn into milk fire hydrants, spraying all over the room with a huge smile, but for other mothers (and overly-concerned fathers) it's an absolute nightmare that steals your energy, your focus and your enjoyment of the baby. Living in constant fear of your baby's malnourishment is no way to live. Watching your wife cry as she tries to breastfeed time and time again feels like watching a woman in a 300-hour labor, only the baby never comes out. She just pushes, and hurts, and wails while La Leche league gives a lecture on the magic of mother's milk.
I hate being needy. I hate feeling powerless. I hate problems that don't go away.
God knows the needs of this situation and will provide. Once again, I have weak faith as I limp through, scared and anxious, wasting energy on self-pity and anger. Some people say it out of Calvinistic duty, but I really mean it when I say I am a total wretch.
Breastfeeding is a horrible pressure on a mother. The woman is entrusted with the very life of the baby, not some supplemental thing like a cozy blanket or special hat but the very LIFE of the baby and supplying its basic nutrition. And this all depends on an unseen process occurring inside her breasts. For some mothers, everything works. Milk flows, cheeks fatten, people smile. For other mothers, babies get skinny and fussy, nipples become cracked and sore and tension mounts as each feeding becomes another possible failure. How do you respond as a father? "Just stop crying and keep feeding"? "Ok, maybe we should use formula"? "Let's get the pump."? "Next feeding will be better"? "I love you."? How about when you go for a nervous walk and pray constantly that God will enable the baby to receive nourishment. You try to faith your way into optimism, only to return home to more frustration, more disappointment, more confusion, more non-resolution.
I hate breastfeeding. I think it's fine for those mothers who just sit down and turn into milk fire hydrants, spraying all over the room with a huge smile, but for other mothers (and overly-concerned fathers) it's an absolute nightmare that steals your energy, your focus and your enjoyment of the baby. Living in constant fear of your baby's malnourishment is no way to live. Watching your wife cry as she tries to breastfeed time and time again feels like watching a woman in a 300-hour labor, only the baby never comes out. She just pushes, and hurts, and wails while La Leche league gives a lecture on the magic of mother's milk.
I hate being needy. I hate feeling powerless. I hate problems that don't go away.
God knows the needs of this situation and will provide. Once again, I have weak faith as I limp through, scared and anxious, wasting energy on self-pity and anger. Some people say it out of Calvinistic duty, but I really mean it when I say I am a total wretch.
posted by J B at 8:21 PM
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