finding the time

Our internet's been out in our apartment lately, making it difficult for the spontaneous blogs I envisioned when I started this. So, here I have a few moments - in a different setting, with different pressures.

I suppose life is a lot like the situation I'm now in to write a blog. The ideal situation never really happens. The perfect, easy opportunity never really comes to pass. It's almost like the partial, challenging, condensed and minimal version is all you ever really get. Nothing happens easily - not relationships, true accomplishment, growth or change. I suppose you have to celebrate the little movements - the half-assed versions of the dreams you may have. Otherwise, you're left with a series of unfulfilled expectations and frustration at life, for "not being fair", which really means "why can't life be the way I want it?"

Contentment with reality...what a concept. What a challenge.

the monster of routine

Today I thought of the concept of routine as a strong, relentless monster. Sounds ominous, I know, but in truth I'm only trying to emphasize the power it has, not imply that it's naturally evil. Routine is the link between what was and what is. We learn, we respond and we incorporate things/ideas/activities into our brains. The past is the means by which we view and evaluate the present. Once we find what works for us and what we like, we notice and remember it and then proceed to seek it and choose it over and over and over again.

Not all routines are good. Some of them are weak and selfish responses to stress. Some of them are fearful responses to imaginary terrors. Some, I suppose, are just part of being a naturally flawed human being. It is this downside of routine that becomes so monstrous. Routine becomes so natural, so practiced and so constant that it starts to escape evaluation. Is it a good routine? Who cares...it's my routine. Do we stop to evaluate whether or not it truly works for us? Perhaps not. It's our routine. Do we care to question whether or not we should like, support or continue a routine? Who has time to do that? We're busy with our routine, building its power, lengthening its credentials, feeding the monster...

what 70 degrees used to mean

In days of youthful legs, easy schedules and nearby friends, 70 degrees used to mean one thing: time for basketball. Looking back, I've played pickup ball in a lot of different places with a lot of different people. I used to think nothing of playing for 2 or 3 hours. There were moments of glory, thinking I was "in the zone" or maybe even that I was the best player on the court. These times were of course mixed in with brutal performances, frustrating failures and humbling reality-checks.

One time it occurred to me that I ought to consider something. Every time I played basketball, regardless of whether I won or lost, played well or sucked, I was getting great exercise. While this didn't always occur to me after getting schooled by better players, it nonetheless remains true. I think it's one of the things that's become increasingly apparent to me in the past few years. Frequent basketball playing keeps a person in shape.

Which brings me to the present: not in shape. Not nearly enough basketball. That's it, I'm calling my brother to shoot hoops...

why I'm blogging

Sometimes things occur to me that are actually important. It isn't often, but every once in a while, I'll have a truly significant idea or see a situation in a way that helps me to make some sense of it. These ideas and moments of clarity tend to fade, however, leaving me back where I started, needing to figure out the same thing, again. Maybe a blog will give me the opportunity to capture some of those moments. Maybe it will help me to make progress rather than just get older.